My friend and I were visiting Paris and wanted to take photos of a lovely cheese shop display, but the shopkeeper wouldn’t let us. Rather than take it personally, which I normally might do, I merely observed him for a moment. I noticed he had a head cold and decided that must be what was making him grumpy. In my limited French I commiserated by saying, “Le nez. Il pleut?” (The nose. It’s raining?) He laughed, and let us snap some photos.

Psychotherapist F. Diane Barth says we need to learn to “separate our own experience from someone else’s; sometimes, especially in moments of vulnerability, this distinction can get lost.” In other words, it’s not always about you.

When you are faced with another’s negativity, these strategies might help:

• Remind yourself that they are probably reacting to their own situation, not to you. You are just the nearest target. They want resolution of their problem. Focus on solving it.
• Admit your mistakes, but don’t let unwarranted criticism affect your self-esteem. As long as you act from a place of integrity, you can sweep away others’ judgments like so much dust.
• Lighten up. Know that everyone goes through similar situations. Bond over them with friends by laughing about things afterwards.

In summary, breathe deeply and refrain from knee-jerk emotional reactions. Look at the big picture. Get the facts. Then respond calmly to the situation. Maybe all it takes is compassion for another’s runny nose.